Just in case you don’t spot it, this is intended as humour.

1. Using a Blackberry

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen middle-managers and wannabe-important types hunched over their Blackberry. “I’m important enough to need a Blackberry” is their silent cry. “I need to be contactable at all times, I am essential to the firm”.

All a Blackberry really says is that you’re not important enough to have your own secretary. Properly important people never answer an e-mail themselves.

2. Drive a Mercedes S-Class

The only S-Class Mercedes you should ever be seen in is one booked on your behalf to take you to the airport/a client meeting/home in the evening. You should never purchase one of these things to drive yourself yourself, all it says is “I am not important/rich enough to be able to afford my own driver”.

3. Take a Chauffeured Car at the Wrong Time

There are strict times when you can be seen using such a car: 1pm to 3pm is acceptable, as this says “client meeting”. Important people never meet clients in the morning. Likewise after 7pm is acceptable, as long as you aren’t carrying luggage – this says “I am important enough to be driven home”. 5pm, however, is terrible. This says “I am travelling on business but I am not important enough to be able to book a mid-afternoon flight, and have to work all day then take the evening flight”.

4. Leave work at 5pm.

Important people leave early, say 4pm, or leave late, after 7pm. But never on time.